Tag Archives: national rail

On the Train (or How Many Annoying Passengers Does It Take To Fill A Train Carriage)

3 Feb

I am currently sat on the train. I’ve been here for the past five hours, and before that I sat on the platform for half an hour wondering if I was about to die of cold. As you may have guessed, I am not in the cheeriest of moods.

I have also been accompanied on this journey by some spectacularly irritating passengers. There was:

The man who decided to share his germs with the rest of the carriage. After his umpteenth coughing fit, he commented that perhaps he ought to give up smoking. It may have been the best idea he’s ever had, and I’m privileged to have been there to witness it.

The genius in the seat opposite whose opinions were just so interesting that it would have been a crime for him not to have shared them. (They were about football and beer, and if he could have kept his voice down I would have been much appreciative.)

The gigglers. And not just any gigglers, but public school twats who compared schools, giggled, mocked one another’s laughs, and giggled some more. The mocking at least I could enjoy.

Everyone got off at the last stop, and I thought that possibly I could enjoy/survive the last hour of my journey in peace. But then the two people who had got on at said stop realised that they were long lost friends. The girl is flirting. The boy is talking about his girlfriend. It is doing nothing to dissuade her.

National Rail, in its infinite wisdom, thinks that I will be arriving in Reading in eight minutes. I only wish that it was true. God help me…