Fiction Friday: The Anti Bucket List

7 Oct

This week’s Fiction Friday was to write an anti bucket list, a list of twenty things which I will never do. It said that the challenge could be interpreted either humorously or seriously, and in the end I went for a mixture of the two. This challenge also reminded me that I haven’t written a normal bucket list, so I will be writing and posting that between the next couple of weeks! And so, without further ado:

I will never…

  1. …touch a tarantula. Even if I wasn’t arachnophobic, those things actually are poisonous. Why not just stay out of their way??
  2. …study anything scientific at a high level (or indeed, ever again). I consider myself to be a naturally curious person, but when someone starts talking about physics my brain switches off. Ditto maths. And chemistry.
  3. …enjoy going to bed early. It’s not that I can’t do it, it’s just that everything exciting happens at night. Even if “everything exciting” is just people posting things on Twitter.
  4. …shave my head. Apparently it looks good on some people, but I’m not taking the risk.
  5. …get a tattoo. Needles, pain, the fact that it will still be there when you’re old and wrinkly, need I say more?
  6. …be able to sing. This one’s pretty self-explanatory. No-one wants to hear me sing. Ever.
  7. …let this stop me from singing along to my favourite songs. Just because no-one wants to hear me sing, doesn’t mean that they get a choice in the matter.
  8. …like the taste of onions. I can’t explain it, I really can’t. They just do not taste good. And they’ve in EVERYTHING!
  9. …be good at imitating accents. It would make my languages degree a lot easier if I was, but sadly it’s not to be. At a pinch, I can do a Southern drawl, but that’s about it on the accent front.
  10. …pack before the last minute. It’s not that I don’t intend to pack earlier (OK, sometimes it is). It’s just that there always seem to be more interesting things to do.
  11. …have a tidy bedroom. I’m generally a fairly organised person, but you wouldn’t think it from looking at my room. It’s fine though, because I know exactly where everything is. It is on the floor.
  12. …stop listening to songs on repeat. It helps me to learn the words though!
  13. …own enough clothes. At least not in my opinion. And with so many shops on the high street, it would be churlish to refuse!
  14. …eat healthily. I’m not dreadful, but I do have a weakness for crisps. And chocolate. And anything containing an above-average amount of E-numbers.
  15. …play football (or any other ball game) for fun. Sports, yes, but not conventional ones. Give me a good martial art any day!
  16. …take hard drugs. It’s just not worth the risk!
  17. …drink and drive. Not only do you endanger your life, you endanger others. I repeat, it’s not worth the risk!
  18. …hate the way I look. This doesn’t mean that I’ll always like the way I look either, just that I have a healthy body image. I have plenty of other things to beat myself up about, and my appearance isn’t one of them.
  19. …grow up. My father is over fifty and he hasn’t grown up yet, so I see no reason why I should.
  20. …give up on my dreams. If I do, then they clearly weren’t really dreams.
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